


The lightness of Being

by ctl_yuejie



Category: the judgment like..ได้เรื่อง, the judgment: the series (tv)
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctl_yuejie/pseuds/ctl_yuejie
Summary: my attempt at fixing the plot of The Judgment from episode 7 onwards





	The lightness of Being

The part on his left arm where Jamie’s shoulder collided with him on his way out of the bathroom still feels numb. Namnhao rubs it to erase the irritating sensation and downs another shot. He can feel the tears falling down and soaking the hem of his shirt but his movements are sluggish and slowed-down by the alcohol and he hasn’t got enough control over his body to wipe them away. He takes another shot. It gets cold in the club, only his throat is burning and he can feel himself drifting off despite his stomach hurting from all the crying. The music in his ears sounds muffled and his left hand that is supporting his head loses all strength as he collapses over the counter.

When his head stops spinning he slowly opens his eyes again. The blackness has vanished but he can only make out the rough shapes of his surrounding before feeling sick again. A warm hand lands on his arm and another one secures him at his waist. Namnhao is still slumped over the counter and regardless of how much he wills his head to move he can’t seem to turn around and look at who’s touching him.

There are lips close to his ear, almost touching it and a shiver runs down his whole body.  
“Will your boyfriend mind if I join you?” He ever so slightly shakes his head before the pulsing pain starts to well up again. The grip on his waist tightens and suddenly his lower abdomen feels warm and tingly. He wants to reach out to the person behind him, but before he can will himself to move the lips are back to his ear.  
“Or do you want to go somewhere else?” Finally, he manages to push himself up from the counter. Everything is still hazy but the guy holds him tight and prevents him from falling off the bar stool.  
“Yes”, he can hear himself say and warmth spreads around his body when the guy’s hand brushes his ass while he snakes his right arm around his waist and slips under Namnhao’s shoulder to hold him upright. They stagger towards the exit, Namnhao’s heart is beating fast and it finally settles in what he’s agreed to. Jamie’s lips were so close to his, just a bit more and he would not be like this right now. His chest clenches and he wants nothing more than that hand around his waist to be Jamie’s, wants to know him close to him, wants to smell his scent, wants to bury his head into his shoulder and get away from this place. He doesn’t want this.

Namnhao struggles to get out of the hold the guy has one him but now there’s another grip on his arm dragging him along. The stench of cold cigarette smoke bites his nose and he wants to throw-up. With all the energy that is left in his body he pushes his feet into the ground. The whole group loses balance, the grip on his arms and hip suddenly gone and his cheek hits something soft and wet. The guy’s shirt is sticky with the remains of the drink that got spilled on him when they collided.  
“My friend is drunk. We’re just about to get him out of here.” There’s the pair of hands again trying to grab him. He holds on to the person in front of him, fingers digging into the other’s slim waist. Namnhao wants to say no, but the music is too loud, his voice nothing more than a whisper. There’s something blocking his throat from the inside, his body starts shaking and he no longer can hold on. There’s not enough air.  
The guy he’s slumped against pipes up. “That’s perfect, his boyfriend just texted and told us to wait with him until he comes to pick him up. You want to join us?” The words are vibrating against Namnhao’s cheek, the guy’s heartbeat is almost as fast as his own.  
The two men behind him seem to contemplate before he hears one of them say something about stepping out for a smoke. There’s no one holding on to him anymore. It’s just him leaning against the guy in the sticky shirt with the weirdly familiar voice. Finally, he can breathe again. Everything gets black in front of his eyes, his head lolls on to his chest and his legs give away. The sound around him is muffled, but he can hear someone scream his name. He knows that voice. Strong arms are holding him from behind and slowly guide him down. His head gets propped up by a knee, the coarse jeans cloth feeling harsh on his skin. But the scent, the scent is all too familiar and he finally is able to calm down before he blacks out.

* * *

He wakes up from feeling cold. When he slowly opens his eyes he finds himself on an unfamiliar bed with Jamie sleeping next to him. The sunlight hurts his eyes but his head feels clear and even the queasy feeling in his stomach is gone. He reaches for the blanket that Jamie pulled to his side and notices a band aid on the back of his hand, the skin beneath turning purple.  
Jamie gets woken up by Namnhao tugging on the blanket that he bunched up and buried under his body sometime during the early hours of the morning. He shoots him an apologetic look before scooting a little bit closer and covering both of them with the blanket. He can feel the tips of his ears turning red.  
“Usually I never feel cold”, Namnhao croaks, voice still recovering from last night’s ordeal.  
“You drank a lot.”  
They fall silent. Under the blanket Namnhao can see that he’s still wearing yesterday’s pants. But the t-shirt he has on smells like Jamie, who’s also wearing a similar one paired with one of his basketball shorts.  
Namnhao is relieved that he woke up in the safety of Jamie’s room. But last night’s disappointment starts to well-up again and bite him.  
“I…”. Jamie starts and then stops, staring at the ceiling not knowing how to begin.  
“I was at the hospital?” Namnhao asks in return and scrutinizes the band-aid on his hand.  
“You blacked out and I panicked. I paid for the IV. Your family won’t find out. About the hospital or the bar…”, Jamie trails off.  
“My brother knows.” Namnhao can feel Jamie looking at him.  
“No wonder. He kept calling your phone so I picked up to tell him that you were with me. He knew who I was.”  
Namnhao slowly sits up and slides out of bed.  
“I’ll go then. I’ll return the shirt later.” He wants to thank Jamie for taking him home with him but the words won’t come out. His eyes are stinging and he feels silly.

Namnhao picks up his socks from the floor and heads for the door. Jamie seems to have woken up from some kind of stupor and throws the blanket off the bed as he jumps to stop him.  
“Nao!” He pulls him around. Namnhao evades his pleading eyes so Jamie cups his face, thumbs softly stroking Namnhao’s cheeks.  
“I’m so sorry. I…I shouldn’t have left you there. I’m sorry, I got angry at you.”  
“You weren’t angry with me.”  
There’s accusation swinging in Namnhao’s voice and his eyes finally meet Jamie’s. He looks hurt but Jamie can’t bring the right words out. His hands fall down to Namnhao’s arms and draw slow circles on them.  
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t care what they think and I don’t care who knows about us…” Namnhao’s body stiffens.  
“…or at least I really wanted…to think that way.” He adds before Namnhao can pull away from him. He felt so ashamed yesterday, but it’s even worse to have to say it out loud like this without knowing whether Namnhao will understand him when his words don’t make sense even to himself.  
“I tried…I really did. I’m sorry that it wasn’t enough.” That’s the last thing he manages to say before his voice breaks.

Namnhao still looks sad, but his body relaxes and his gaze softens. He lowers his head onto Jamie’s shoulder and links their pinkies together. Jamie doesn’t know if Namnhao has forgiven him yet, but he feels better now that Namnhao isn’t trying to get away from him. He pulls Namnhao closer, one hand in his hair slowly stroking him.  
Namnhao feels soft kisses just beneath his ear and down the side of his neck and suddenly it gets cold again and he remembers the stench of cigarettes and the painful grip on his arms. He pulls away a little bit too forceful and startles Jamie.  
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t….”  
“No, it’s not...” Namnhao tries to smile at Jamie. “I smell. I need to wash up.”Jamie shoots him an amused look and playfully raises his eyebrows, one hand tracing Namnhao’s dimples. “I’ll show you the bathroom.”

Jamie quickly runs downstairs to get a new toothbrush but when he knocks on the bathroom door he doesn’t get an answer.  
“Nao?”  
He knocks again but still nothing. Not knowing what to do he waits in front of the door, bobbing up and down on his feet.  
Then he hears it. Namnhao is crying.  
He doesn’t know why and what to do about it. The grip he has on the toothbrush tightens and by the time he decides to just go inside his hair is a mess from continuously running his fingers through it.  
Namnhao is sitting on the floor, head between his knees, gripping his t-shirt so tightly that the fabric around his fingertips starts to get baggy. Jamie slinks down next to him, their shoulders barely touching and waits until Namnhao stops sobbing and wipes his tears away.  
Namnhao stares at the tiles on the wall when he starts speaking.  
“He saved me, you know? The guy from yesterday who knew you from school.” His voice is almost back to normal.  
“There was this man hitting on me. I was so drunk.” He turns to look at Jamie’s worried face. “He dragged me with him. If it wasn’t…if it wasn’t for that guy that man would’ve…” Namnhao looks at the wall again, his fingers constantly kneading the hem of his shirt.

They are in the safety of his home. Namnhao is right here next to him. But suddenly Jamie gets afraid. The anxiety chokes him and his mind runs through all the possibilities of what could’ve happened. “I’m so sorry.” He must look funny with his hair standing up in all directions and the petrified expression on his face because Namnhao has to crack a smile. “It’s not. Your fault.” He says softly but firmly. He takes a couple of deep breaths.  
“I think I’m fine now. Thank you for taking me back home. For coming back for me.” His smile finally reaches his eyes when he takes the toothbrush out of Jamie’s hand who looks sheepishly at the crushed packaging. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of him. They stand up and Jamie doesn’t know what to do with himself so he lingers. Namnhao moves his face closer until the tips of their noses are almost touching. The twinkle in his eyes is back. “Do you mind if I take a shower?” Jamie raises his eyebrows, not drawing away. “You can use my towel. I’ll get you something to wear.” He leans closer for a peck but Namnhao is faster and covers his mouth with his hand. “Bad breath.” He mumbles, playfully slapping Jamie’s arm with the toothbrush. Jamie pecks his cheek instead and shoots him a cheeky grin before going back to his room to pick out some clothes, leaving Namnhao in mock shock, hand still slapped across his mouth.

With the hot water running down his body Namnhao finally starts to feel whole again. Yesterday’s bad memories fade into the background, everything starts to hurt a little bit less. The last bit of anger he had towards Jamie is gone and he smiles when water is washing out the shampoo. His hair smells like Jamie. Namnhao dries himself off and steps into Jamie’s room with just the towel around his hips. Water is dripping from his wet hair down onto his shoulders but he doesn’t feel cold anymore. Jamie is nowhere to be seen but his burgundy hoody and some fresh boxer briefs lie on his bed. It looks like Jamie made an attempt at folding the hoody and Namnhao smiles fondly when he pulls it over his head. He retrieves his jeans from the bathroom and steps out of Jamie’s room to go look for him. It takes some time until he finds his way around the house but he manages to get to the kitchen where Jamie is heating up some rice porridge in the microwave.

Jamie smiles when he sees Namnhao sitting down at the kitchen table, taking in his surroundings.  
“My parents are out by the way.”  
Namnhao sighs in relief. “So they don’t know I’m here.”  
“Oh. They do. They were leaving the house when I came back with you this morning.”  
Namnhao feels his cheeks burning. He must have looked horrible, drunk and past out. Jamie is cursing under his breath. Some of the porridge got splattered onto his sweater and pants and the food smells slightly burned. He turns around to place the two bowls onto the table, only to find Namnhao with his head in his hands. His ears are adorably red when he looks up at Jamie again. “It’s fine. They didn’t ask any questions.”  
He has to laugh at the miserable face Namnhao makes. With both hands he tries to smooth out his face, breath hitching when their eyes meet. He places a soft peck onto his lips. Namnhao pushes his hands away and stands up to lean against the kitchen table. His eyes look dazed and his hands move to grip Jamie by his hips. Jamie hooks a finger into the beltloop of Namnhao’s jeans, his other hand cupping the back of Namnhao’s head. His eyes flutter shut and he closes the distance. 

Their first kiss is soft.  
When he slowly pulls away hands grip the back of his sweater. Jamie smiles as he lets himself get pushed against Namnhao. They share open mouthed kisses, Jamie every so often admiring Namnhao’s flushed face through half closed lids. Namnhao’s hands are all over his body and he gets surprised when there’s suddenly a tongue pushing against his. He can feel Namnhao laughing at him when he cannot help himself but deepen the kiss. Jamie’s hand slips under Namnhao’s hoody and holds his side down with force.  
His warm hands on Namnhao’s naked skin.  
They kiss until they’re out of breath. Jamie’s lips hurt but when he opens his eyes Namnhao is smiling broadly at him, fingers playing with the hem of Jamie’s sweater. He must look very lost because Namnhao’s smile gets even bigger, his eyes vanishing completely. Jamie embarrassedly scratches his neck and reaches for the porridge bowls.  
“Have to reheat those.”  
His neck is still red when he turns his back to Namnhao.  
“When will your parents be back?”  
“In a few hours I think.”  
Namnhao falls silent and Jamie restarts the microwave.

When he turns around Namnhao is staring intently at him.  
“When they come back. Can I introduce myself as your boyfriend?”  
Jamie’s heart starts to beat faster. There’s warmth spreading through his body and he feels like he’s floating. 

“Yes” he says and smiles back at Namnhao.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything for 10 years..please be kind to me  
> this happened in a fit of rage


End file.
